“Mom… why does Wilson have autism?”
“Because he was made that way. Just like you were made to be just the way you are.”
Oh, how I have dreaded this moment in the past. I have asked myself that very question a million times, only to come up with as many different answers. Like many things in our autism world, there is not one straight answer, leaving you with the same frustration and confusion you started with, and more questions.
What did I do wrong?
Did I take enough of those prenatal vitamins?
Maintain the right diet during pregnancy?
Was it his vaccination schedule?
What on earth is a refrigerator mother?
Or maybe this path was meant to be his long before he arrived here on this earth.
People will tell you that everything happens for a reason. I don’t know if autism was meant to be or not but the one thing I do know, is that these two were meant for one another.
She has messed with this regimented little boy in the best possible way since she arrived. And he has been fascinated since he laid eyes on her.
As they get older, their differences have become more apparent but so is how much they are learning from each other.
She is so proud of him for every new accomplishment, while also slowly registering that life really isn’t always fair. She knows which buttons to push to set him off, but will also be the first one to rush to sing to him when he needs comfort.
“Give a squeeze,
Nice and slow,
Take a deep breath…
…And let it go.”
When the fog of frustration clears, I see beautiful “reasons” all around. Wilson is a constant reminder to slow down and appreciate the simplest of things. He could study leaves for hours and lays down to examine ants slowly making their way across the driveway. He studies his reflection with such curiosity and wonderment, and he will study you the same if you let him in.
And is there a better sound than children laughing? Turns out, you do not need words for that.
I have stopped constantly wrestling with the paradox that is this world of autism, insisting it had to be one way or another. Difficult or easy, high or low, complicated or pure and simple. Perhaps it will be, and always has been, both.
Life can be everything. Together, these two are everything.
**Click on image below for a sweet video. That Dumbo was Wilson’s favorite thing in life for his first four years. He brought it everywhere. He loved to rub it’s nose on his forehead when he was tired or needed calming. He shared that feeling with his new sister and it was such a tender moment.