We are not aware.

“A spectrum is a condition that is not limited to a specific set of values but can vary infinitely within a continuum.”

The autism spectrum consists of millions of unique individuals that do not fall into ONE place on the spectrum.  Some are incredibly talented in math or music but do not have appropriate self-care skills.  Some have mastered hiding their autistic behaviors like flapping, rocking, or humming, but they continue to have a whirlwind going on inside of them.

We are all aware of The Good Doctor and Rain Man or the quirky, smart kid at school. I love a feel-good story as much as the next person, but I think it’s important to talk about the other sides of autism that are not often seen or understood and certainly not portrayed in the media.

In her article, “My Son Has the Kind of Autism No One Talks About”, Bonnie Zampino, Engagement Specialist and special needs parent, reminds us just how unaware we are of these other aspects of autism:

“The media shows us all of the feel-good stories, like the child with autism who gets to be the manager of the high school basketball team, or the boy with autism who goes to the prom with the beautiful girl, or the girl with autism who is voted onto the homecoming court.  We Light It Up Blue every April and pat ourselves on the back for being so aware.

But we aren’t aware.

Because for every boy with autism who manages his high school basketball team, there are 20 boys with autism who smear feces. And for every girl with autism who gets to be on the homecoming court, there are 30 girls with autism who pull out their hair and bite their arms until they bleed. And for every boy with autism who gets to go to the prom, there are 50 boys with autism who hit and kick and bite and hurt other people.

This is the autism that no one talks about. This is the autism that no one wants to see.”

This isn’t about high-functioning and low-functioning.  It’s a reminder that “If you have met one person with autism, then you have met one person with autism.”

If you meet someone on the spectrum or a parent to a child on the spectrum, I encourage you to ask them about their child, and what they like to do, rather than try to pinpoint where they are on the spectrum. That’s impossible.

Autism is hard. It can be incredibly isolating. The more we continue to learn, the more aware we will be. Always lead with patience and kindness as you never know what someone else is going through.